we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
either way he was missing a nipple.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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