I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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