You just made me feel so damn special
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
