I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
if only i could text you this smell
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
