wat bout pragnant strippers??
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I am midnight drunk by noon
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
