Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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