What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
