There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
