I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
