Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
