Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
