his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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