im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So many bounce houses so little time
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
