Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The best revenge is premature balding
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
