is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
