I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
