i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
