This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
