i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
