The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
