In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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