I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
