Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
