so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
