Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
