i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
