This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Four minutes until I can fart!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
