I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
