Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We had sex on a dog bed..
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
