gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
