Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
