Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
