I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
