Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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