I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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