didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
