You work out of a Hotel?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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