Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
