I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
