I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
