so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
