the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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