guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
