I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
