Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
