It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
