the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
not ubering you a puppy
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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