she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
