There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
