Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
