i was born a porn star she said
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
